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Olesia Ulianova

Soft skills Trainer and Education Manager

  • UA

Working with Toxic Personalities

August 8, 2020 By Olesia Ulianova

Toxic people trigger conflict, stress, and emotional exhaustion.
You can’t change them — but you can manage your reaction, protect your energy, and keep control of the situation.

1️⃣ Set Boundaries (Especially with Chronic Complainers)

People often feel awkward cutting off a complainer because they don’t want to seem rude.
But there’s a fine line between listening with empathy and being dragged into negativity.

✅ Ask solution-oriented questions:

“So, what do you plan to do about it?”

✅ Limit the time spent on unproductive talk.
✅ Step back when necessary.

This shifts the dynamic from emotional dumping to problem-solving.

2️⃣ Rise Above It

Toxic people behave irrationally — and you can’t rationalize irrational behavior.
The trick is not reacting emotionally.
Treat them like an object of observation:

“Interesting. What’s triggering this reaction now?”

That mindset keeps you calm and in control.

3️⃣ Keep Your Emotions in Check

Emotional distance requires awareness.
Notice when you start to get triggered — pause, breathe, reset.
Self-control doesn’t mean coldness; it means emotional maturity.

4️⃣ Focus on Solutions, Not Problems

Focusing on problems only fuels stress.
Shift your attention to action:

  • What can I do now?
  • What options do we have?
  • What depends on me?

The moment you act, you regain control.

5️⃣ Acknowledge the Conflict

Conflicts often persist because no one admits they exist.
Say it clearly:

“We’re in conflict on this issue.”

Name the participants, goals, and opposing methods — that’s the first step toward resolution.

6️⃣ Define Whether Negotiation Is Possible

Once you’ve acknowledged the conflict, decide on the format:

  • With or without a mediator?
  • Who can serve as a neutral party?
  • What are the ground rules?

Clear boundaries turn confrontation into cooperation.

7️⃣ Agree on the Procedure

Decide when, where, and how the negotiation will take place.
Set timing, structure, and expected outcomes.
Structure creates focus — and focus prevents escalation.

8️⃣ Identify the Core Issues

Define what the conflict is really about — and what it’s not.
This clarifies disagreements and helps both sides see possible alignment points.

9️⃣ Develop Possible Solutions

Brainstorm several realistic solutions, considering costs, resources, and consequences.
When both sides co-create solutions, resistance drops.

🔟 Make and Document the Agreement

Once you’ve agreed, put it in writing — memo, agreement, resolution.
A written record reinforces accountability and mutual respect.

✅ Implement the Decision

If agreements stay on paper, distrust will grow.
Unkept promises become seeds for future — and deeper — conflicts.

💬 Follow these principles, and most conflicts can be resolved now —
if your goal is not to win, but to find balance and move forward.

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Filed Under: Leadership and Management, Soft Skills Tagged With: conflicts, favourable impression, first impression, organisational behaviour, soft skills

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ABOUT

Olesia Ulianova

Ph.D., MBA, CEO of Telesens, Founder of IT Grow Center (ITGC)

I am a trainer, coach, and leader with over 15 years of experience at the intersection of technology, management, and people development.

My mission is to help leaders and teams become more effective, adaptable, and self-aware in a world that changes every single day.

🔹 Ph.D. in Technical Sciences and General MBA — a combination of systems thinking and strategic management.
🔹 CEO of Telesens — over a decade of experience in IT business development, organizational transformation, and building high-performance teams.
🔹 Founder of IT Grow Center (ITGC) — a space where future managers, trainers, and leaders grow.
🔹 MBA in Business Psychology — a deep understanding of human behavior, motivation, and management psychology that helps build mature teams and lead change effectively.
🔹 Author of the “Antimanager. Soft Skills Guideline” series — a trilogy on personal development, communication, and leadership.
🔹 Member of the International Association of MBAs (UK)
🔹 Certified Coach (ACSTH/ACTP) and former USAID mentor.

 

My approach is built on a simple belief:

“Everything is possible. The impossible just takes a little longer.”

I believe that growth begins with an honest dialogue with yourself, and actual effectiveness starts with inner balance.

In my blog, I share practical tools, transformation stories, and proven methods that help managers and leaders act consciously, avoid burnout, and achieve more — both in business and in life

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